Happiness is to be sure of what you want?

The Last of the Mohicans...

Today I will talk about cycles, differences, separation, change ...
So, sit beside me and let's drink a good guinness.
No, I'm not on my period, I'm not sensitive about it. No, I did not use drugs and today is the day for listening to Radiohead :)
As I have multiple selves and as I am without scarf, without papers, without euro ... My philosophical ego begins to awaken and you must have patience to endure.
Today is a day of questions.
How do you know that the cycle has ended?
How to accept losses?
Do not know yet if i want to be a Nomad or have a fixed place.
Why these stupid questions?
The feeling is that I'm in the movie The Last of the Mohicans, it is strange, some people are in Dublin 3 months, others 6-1 year ...
Whoever comes here, meets people from around the world, Russian, Pakistani, Korean, Polish.
Ok, It would be more natural to feel pain for living far from my family, but to me it's different because I know my Father, my Mother, my brothers will be there in the same place and I have place to go back to, but friends and those of other countries, fantastic people, it is impossible, I can not go to Korea and come back, internet helps, but how can i hug my friends and talk face to face?
I can not stand Farewell Parties, about 5 friends remain, and those who remain are dating or married, and here I am trying to find myself (Is it Peter Pan syndrome? Not wanting to come back to reality?)
I still do not know, but just think back, makes me despair, knowing that I need to get that subway, Wonderful São Paulo, wake up, 5 in the morning and face a glorious journey of more than one hour on Saturday just to go to that pub . São Paulo is a beautiful city, but I do not want more stress.
I want to go citycenter on foot, if I usethe bus the my limit is 50 min, I want to sit in the chair in the places I visit, and I do not want to join the queue, I do my shopping, pay my bills and im well located in the region of São Paulo, I still can not do it alone, it is a very expensive life in São Paulo. I often think of living in another city in Brazil. but also I think, what is the advantage of living in Dublin, if my dear ones are gone? I could make new groups of friends, but you know... i do not have the enthusiasm of the first month, of the new curiosity i have no more. Dublin already is my little land, I do not know where to dig to discover new things.
I wonder when will be my time? Will I be willing to go back? I will have to go back to the battle of São Paulo?Do I really need to do this? Who do I need to show? Society? Can i not live from place to place be happy? Happiness is to be sure of what you want? 
How is my money? I'm skipping lunch to eat dinner ... lol I know I could get another job, but do not know if I'll have the patience to be aupair again. I still want to make my way to Ssantiago and to visit many countries, but I know that one of them i will have to cut from my route and this acceptance process is gradual.
Some points of this text maybe exaggerated, but that's me, I want to share and show to someone who has or has had the same doubts and never had the courage to expose yourself for fear of showing insecurity.


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